Bringing Desires to Present Means

The best way to keep anything in framework, no matter who you are, is to pen whatever it is you plan to do on paper. In fact, let me put it this way! All that you wish to ever achieve, which you can consciously envisage at this present moment should be written down on paper, diary or goals’ book. The process should be dynamic and not static, as new wishes develop, add them to your ever soaring dream list. Experts call this list the 101 goals list.

Make frequent visit to your dream list and ensure you’re organising and reorganizing priorities in order to reflect the status quo. The 101 dream list is your desire; and the reason you need to organise and reorganise is to ensure that you do not remain a dreamer, as it’d leave you frustrated as a result of the unrealistic 101 dream list created.

This list as earlier mentioned puts you in a perspective, as it allows one to know just what they are about, and just what they wish and expect to obtain. By understanding this perspective, half of the battle is gained.

You must constantly take inventory of yourself. By understanding and analysing what your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats are (SWOT). Strengths and weaknesses are attributes of an individual; opportunities and threats are attributes of the environment. Hence, you must use your internal strengths to;

1. take advantage of external opportunities
2. to avoid or reduce impact of external threats.
3. turn your weaknesses into strengths
4. to improve your internal weaknesses by taking advantage of external opportunities.

Otherwise, lacking this knowledge, you’ll waste energy and effort, and do much that had better be left undone, while leaving undone much that should be done, thus, creating unrealistic and unachievable objectives.

As we leave in a dynamic world, your strength and opportunities will also be forever dynamic, as a result, priorities on the dream list will change. This allows you to follow through what Aristotle once said… “Bring your desires down to your present means; increase them when only your increased means permit.” In this instance, your increased means are your strengths & opportunities and your desires are your wishes or dreams.

Once the above is followed; this gives you an opportunity to knock on the door of success and not to enter!
Following on, on your prioritised wish list, add deadlines to them, by so doing, there is a transition from wishes to goals, as a result of the added deadlines. Success emanates from this act and nothing else. If you have no goals, then you’ll have no success, as Brian Tracy said, “Success equals goals… all else is commentary.”

i) Always begin with the end in mind on the goal you want to attain, as would have been pictured before they became goals through the wish list.

ii) Attack the process in two ways (1) Top Down and (2) Bottom up

Bottom up ensures you have your eyes set on the goal and working towards an envisaged ultimate goal. It also prevents you from becoming overwhelmed by allowing you to take those small steps… remember the saying ‘By the yard it’s hard, but inch by inch it’s a cinch!’ and also Peter Cohen advice that “There is no one giant step that does it. It’s a lot of little steps.”

Please do not go all the way by being lop-sided using this method, as you’d lack clarity and trajectory towards your goal.

Top down ensures you are kept in focus when the tough gets going. You have to ensure that you know and understand the steps just before completion of the goal, and the steps before that, that will ultimately link with the bottom up approach.

Plans always change, so your goals will always be revised accordingly to preserve the link between top down and bottom up.

The ultimate goal is also achieved by the choices we decide to take. Remember the saying “many roads lead to Rome.” So do not hesitate or dither by waiting for conditions to be perfect before you can act. Choices are like branches on trees, one branch splits into another and so on and so forth until the final leaf. So do not fear, begin and bear in mind that you’ll arrive at your desired leaf. Goethe advised that “what you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” Do not fear to begin, fear is removed by action, Napoleon Hill said ‘Fear is the great destroyer. Banish fear from your life. It does not serve you in any way. Go forward in faith; faith that you have destiny to fulfil. Fear not. There is, after all, nothing to fear but fear itself. And it is a mere phantom…a ghost that disappears in the light of awareness.’

Norman Vincent Pearl categorically explained to us how fear could be subjugated and it is up to us to take up his advice. He says ‘Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.’

So go on; Become the Best You Can Be… start acting now and take inventory of yourself, pen down your 101 wish list and put deadlines on them. Follow through your goals!

Nyangu Simpungwe is a professional accountant, a fully qualified chartered certified accountant and holds a Masters Degree from The University of Glamorgan in Wales. He currently is Director of a company called Falcon (GB) Limited based in England United Kingdom, a newly formed company composed wholly of chartered certified accountants. He has tremendous experience in Business Process Improvements and has expertise in life coach and leadership coach.

How Many Times a Year Do You Have to Buy a Birthday Present Or Wedding Anniversary Gift?

How many times a year do you have to buy a Birthday present or Wedding Anniversary gift? Or do you leave it to your partner to do all the gift buying? Even if you leave it all to your partner there must be a few occasions when you have to buy a gift or present for them, either on their birthday or at Christmas.

Do you tramp round the high street stores looking for an idea of what to buy or do you know what to buy and look for the stores that sell the gift you want to buy? There are two groups of gift buyers, those who love looking for gifts and presents to buy and those who find it a chore and struggle to find a suitable gift.

There are many occasions throughout the year when gifts or presents are given. The annual gift giving events are birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines day, Mothers day, Fathers day, and Christmas. On top of these there are the special events like births, special birthdays like 18th, 21st, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th,90th,100th.

Next are Wedding gifts, which start with engagement presents then the actual Wedding gifts followed by each anniversary celebration. With Wedding anniversaries we have the milestones starting with the 1st which is Paper, 2nd is Cotton, 3rd is Leather, 4th is Books, 5th is Wood, 6th is Iron, 7th is Wool, 8th is Bronze, 9th is Pottery, 10th is Tin, 11th is Steel, 12th is Silk, 13th is Lace, 14th is Ivory, 15th is Crystal, 20th is China, 25th is Silver, 30th is Pearl, 35th is Coral, 40th is Ruby, 45th is Sapphire, 50th is Golden, 55th is Emerald, 60th is Diamond.

Other events that require a gift or present are the birth of a baby and next is the Christening, followed by graduation gifts, housewarming presents, get well gifts and not forgetting the sorry gift. Some in between gifts are new school, passing exams, passing driving test, leaving work, thank you, in hospital, moving away in fact the card and gift companies will invent occasions to give cards and gifts.

For those of us that struggle to either think of a different gift or don’t like trailing around the high street stores we now have the Internet to give us the ideas and they can even get the gift or present delivered to the door for us. If you love gift giving please read the next part but if you loath gift giving you may want to stop reading now.

Scenario: If you and your partner both live to 80 and got married when you were 25 and had two children by your 30th and had 10 close relatives that you always buy gifts for them you might be pleasantly surprised to know that over your lifetime you will probably give or be given:

80 birthdays each = 160 gifts, 55 Wedding Anniversaries each = 110 gifts, 55 Mothers days = 55 gifts, 55 Fathers days = 55 gifts, 60 Valentines days each = 120 presents, 80 Christmas days each = 160 gifts, Add a selection of Weddings, get wells, sorry gifts and modestly add 10 presents each year for 55 years = 550 presents. This list of presents adds up to 1,210 based on only one present per occasion per couple.

Now add into this the present you will give and receive from friends and relatives over your lifetime which could easily be the same as the total amount of gifts you have given or received 1,210 gifts x 10 relatives = 12,100 friends and relative gifts + 1,210 your gifts = 13310 gifts or presents you buy and receive. That is also probably 13,310 greeting cards you will buy and 13310 gift raps too. That means every couple will buy 166 presents on average every year.

If you take the UK has a population of 60 million and assume only 20 million are gift giving couples. Then the amount of present giving and receiving each year by couples is 166 gifts x 10 million couples = 1,660,000,000 gifts. Which are 4,547,945 gifts bought per day.

If the other 40 million UK residents only give gifts on birthdays then that equates to 123,288 presents bought everyday. In the US you can times these figures by 5 times.

On the other hand you may be horrified, unless you are a gift, card or rapping supplier.

Ecological Negotiation

Negotiation is a process of trying to arrive at a mutually agreeable conclusion about something. It could be a sales situation; it could be a behavioral contract; it could be a cease fire. Negotiation is basically an agreement. What makes negotiation’s time consuming is that each party involved often has numerous needs that require some kind of guarantee of satisfaction. Until those needs are at least addressed in some way, there will be objections.

Objections are critically important in successful negotiations and taking into account all objections is ecological. That is, it takes into account varying components of the system. Negotiations often prove a failure after the fact because one or more of the parties does not express their objections to the proposed settlement. Then, after the negotiation is over, they start to feel shortchanged and don’t abide by the agreement.

In every successful negotiation it is critically important that objections be addressed. Some people involved in the negotiation may be shy or reserved about voicing objections. The facilitator or leader must draw out objections from participants so they can be discussed. Once out in the open, objections can be analyised and the need or concern they represent satisfied. For example, let’s say a couple is in marital counseling negotiating a behavioral contract. The husband wants the wife to contribute her paycheck into the joint checking account but she wants to open her own checking account. She objects to putting her money into the joint checking account. A good question to ask to understand the reason for the objection is “what would happen if you did put your money in the joint checking account?” This requires the wife to verbalize her concerns. She might say “I wouldn’t feel as though I had some of my own money to spend in my own way whenever I wanted to for whatever reason.” The negotiator might then say “If you knew you could spend your money any way you wanted whenever you wanted for whatever you wanted even with the money in a joint checking account, would you then be OK with the joint checking account?” The wife might ponder this and if she says yes the condition upon which the negotiation would be successful is clarified. But, if she says no that indicates there is yet another objection which has not yet been verbalized. At that point, the negotiator needs to uncover a deeper layer of objection. This is accomplished largely through asking specific questions.

This process of uncovering layers of objection is the ecological part of negotiation. It ensures that all parties involved or all parts of a single person’s mind have addressed every single objection. Ecological negotiation is one of the most effective means of behavior change because although we may say we want to change behaviors, for example, to quit smoking, we find it difficult or fail because there is also a part of us that does not want to change. A person who says they want to lose weight might be surprised to find there is a part of them that objects to that goal. Ecological negotiation attempts to find the reason behind not wanting to lose weight and try and satisfy that need in some other way. For example, being overweight can serve a need. In some it might be power, in others it might be protection. Without discovering the need that being overweight serves and finding other ways to meet that need, there will be an objection to losing weight.

Everyone has needs and most all behavior is designed to meet those needs. Ecological negotiation takes this into account and recognizes that all objections are a way of saying “hey, if that happens my needs won’t be met so I’m going to object.” By accepting the objection in that light and helping that need be met in other ways, the negotiator removes obstacles to a truly successful negotiation.