As a speaker, I want to know how I am doing. However, I think that asking for and receiving feedback can be one of the hardest parts of working on our skills that exists.

Oftentimes, when we have given a presentation, members of the audience rush up for one of the following reasons:

• To tell us how much they enjoyed and gained from our presentation.
• To ask a question about something we addressed or didn’t address.
• To tell us about a part of our presentation or something we did that they particularly liked or
• To tell us something we did incorrectly, left out or were mistaken about.

All of the above types of feedback are important, not only because they make us feel good or bad, but also because they can show us what areas of our speaking are strong and can be used to our advantage and what areas we need to examine and work on. We must ask ourselves, however, if we can honestly agree with the feedback and then if the suggestions are feasible.

We should never try to change so much that we become uncomfortable or not ourselves. We do need to maintain our uniqueness, even if it “ruffles a few feathers.”

How about the evaluation sheets that audience members are often asked to fill out?

• Other presenters and I have mixed emotions about these kinds of evaluations.
• First of all, let me say that if we receive 100 great evaluations and two that are poor and/or degrading evaluations, we tend to focus on the two (it is human nature).
• I know speakers that throw a whole stack of evaluations in the waste basket without even looking at them. They feel that most of the time, the sheets are destructive and useless.
• My advice is to take what you feel is constructive and worth changing (usually a technique or skill), but forget what attacks you as a person (your character, style or uniqueness).
• I find that if the same comment is repeated often, this is something that I should work on improving.

What are other ways to receive feedback? I often mention Toastmasters. It doesn’t matter what level of speaking we have achieved, we will receive helpful evaluations on a regular basis if we join a Toastmasters club. Every speech we give will have an evaluator assigned. Just be sure to tell him or her what areas to focus on, and how tough you want your evaluation to be. You will also learn a huge amount by doing evaluations yourself. There are also advanced clubs available where you will have the opportunity to work at a more intense level with tougher evaluations.

When should we give feedback? I would never give any kind of critical feedback, unless asked to, and I also hesitate to give feedback to some others who ask for it. These are the people who do not really want to follow any kind of advice and will also take the defensive and argue with you about your feedback. I feel that I am not helping them and am only gaining an enemy for the time and effort expended.

The years ending with ’0′ have always been deemed a ‘big year’. (with the exception of turning 21). It’s the end of a decade; a chance to look back at your achievements and look forward with high hopes and expectations.

It’s also a chance to give and receive gifts. Turning 30, 40, 50, 60, 70,80, 90 and 100 are all years worth celebrating. Each one a milestone in themselves.

Buying gifts for someone turning 30 can be a strain. They generally have enough resources to buy themselves what they want. The ideal present: A personalised number plate. Regardless of car type, make or model, a personalised plate could just be the right birthday present.

Why? It’s a little bit different. There are trends to show that presents of a personal nature, like photos mugs, calendars and canvases are growing in popularity. These make ideal gifts. But a personalised number plate really stands out as personal gift.

Have you a relative turning 30? If so, use the following names as creative thought:

1. Kate

A wonderful English name. In fact, it is the name of the future Queen of England. If you’ve called your daughter after Kate, Catherine or the Irish version of Kathleen, then these plates could be ideal for you.

• K30 ACF
• KAT 33B

2. Caleb

A name that has grown in popularity over the years, Caleb is a great name. The Kings of Leon front-man has brought a new love for the name. So consider this plate as a name:

• K30 ACF

3. Kelly

A wonderfully bright name.

Her own plate:

• KE11 YCX

Normal folk

Celebs are in the newspapers constantly but as you and I both know, up and down the streets of UK and Northern Ireland, there are boys and girls turning 30 throughout 2012. It’s a big year for them too, even if they don’t live the public eye.

Buying a number plate to celebrate their past achievements and hopes for the future is the ideal gift. Nothing else quite says you’re unique, than a number plate. Some ideas to include on their personalised plate include:

• Think names
• Think hobbies
• Think year of birth

And for those of us who are a little older than 30, the people turning 30 were born in 1982.

So as we celebrate royal 30thbirthdays, take some time to think what you’ll get your special person on this important year.

Negotiation is a process of trying to arrive at a mutually agreeable conclusion about something. It could be a sales situation; it could be a behavioral contract; it could be a cease fire. Negotiation is basically an agreement. What makes negotiation’s time consuming is that each party involved often has numerous needs that require some kind of guarantee of satisfaction. Until those needs are at least addressed in some way, there will be objections.

Objections are critically important in successful negotiations and taking into account all objections is ecological. That is, it takes into account varying components of the system. Negotiations often prove a failure after the fact because one or more of the parties does not express their objections to the proposed settlement. Then, after the negotiation is over, they start to feel shortchanged and don’t abide by the agreement.

In every successful negotiation it is critically important that objections be addressed. Some people involved in the negotiation may be shy or reserved about voicing objections. The facilitator or leader must draw out objections from participants so they can be discussed. Once out in the open, objections can be analyised and the need or concern they represent satisfied. For example, let’s say a couple is in marital counseling negotiating a behavioral contract. The husband wants the wife to contribute her paycheck into the joint checking account but she wants to open her own checking account. She objects to putting her money into the joint checking account. A good question to ask to understand the reason for the objection is “what would happen if you did put your money in the joint checking account?” This requires the wife to verbalize her concerns. She might say “I wouldn’t feel as though I had some of my own money to spend in my own way whenever I wanted to for whatever reason.” The negotiator might then say “If you knew you could spend your money any way you wanted whenever you wanted for whatever you wanted even with the money in a joint checking account, would you then be OK with the joint checking account?” The wife might ponder this and if she says yes the condition upon which the negotiation would be successful is clarified. But, if she says no that indicates there is yet another objection which has not yet been verbalized. At that point, the negotiator needs to uncover a deeper layer of objection. This is accomplished largely through asking specific questions.

This process of uncovering layers of objection is the ecological part of negotiation. It ensures that all parties involved or all parts of a single person’s mind have addressed every single objection. Ecological negotiation is one of the most effective means of behavior change because although we may say we want to change behaviors, for example, to quit smoking, we find it difficult or fail because there is also a part of us that does not want to change. A person who says they want to lose weight might be surprised to find there is a part of them that objects to that goal. Ecological negotiation attempts to find the reason behind not wanting to lose weight and try and satisfy that need in some other way. For example, being overweight can serve a need. In some it might be power, in others it might be protection. Without discovering the need that being overweight serves and finding other ways to meet that need, there will be an objection to losing weight.

Everyone has needs and most all behavior is designed to meet those needs. Ecological negotiation takes this into account and recognizes that all objections are a way of saying “hey, if that happens my needs won’t be met so I’m going to object.” By accepting the objection in that light and helping that need be met in other ways, the negotiator removes obstacles to a truly successful negotiation.